It's easy to include a charity in your will, but you should always consult your solicitor before...
- Plan to have difficult conversations, say, on Saturday morning over a cup of coffee rather than in the evening, when most of us are tired and are not at our best.
- Find the words to describe what you mean; you could say you want to become ‘a successfully separated family’ or that your approach is a ‘problem-solving’ one.
- Picture your future and give it a timeframe; how you would like things to be in 6 months time, or by the end of the summer or by Christmas?
- At the same time be realistic and do not expect instant results; things take time to sort out. Do not rush. Do not negotiate till you know all the facts and figures.
- As far as you can, compartmentalise issues and deal with each of them on its own merits. Judges expect people to deal with children and money as entirely separate topics.
- Try to create a climate in which matters can be agreed and deals can be done; this may involve ‘turning the other cheek’ and ‘biting your lip’. Later, you will be glad you did.
- If there are difficulties over child contact or if there are incidents, keep a diary. Write it down the day it happens.
- If you need to resolve financial issues, make a real effort to get on top of the paperwork and the numbers; it is never as difficult as you think it will be.
- Do not rely on legal advice from ‘the man in the pub’ or ‘the lady in the hairdresser's’. However well meant, it is likely to be wrong.
- Be kind to yourself.